I never was so good at sticking to the rules. Socially or otherwise - i keep forgetting what they are - which makes for some messy games.....
I am so confused by the strange world of online dateing. Everyone has their own pace - everyone has their own rules - and nobody ever lets me in on it.
Kissing -
I don't think in any real world match - meeting someone by chance at a party/friendly get together/etc. - would i be kissing them the second time i ever saw them - i mean that would have to be some damn good chemistry or crazy vampire powers stuff (just finished another Anita book). I mean maybe if we talked a lot in between first date and second and the conversation chem was just as great as the in person chem (just to recap there would have to be amazing chem all around) - then i get it..... I don't know. this stuff is weird. Like how much touching is ok - hand on the leg, arm around the shoulder, hand holding when you walk together, etc. I mean it all just boils down to what feels comfortable for you right? its that "when you know, you know" thing i guess.
[insert number here] date appropriate activity -
Is it ok to go to someone's home for a second date? or what about a first date - yeah that has been offered.
Calling it off-
In person? At the end of a date? Voice male? Text?
i mean really what do i owe them - we are not going to be "friends" - i mean let's be honest, that's not what either of us are here for right? "J" needs to be done though. A good friend of mine said 3rd date is make it or break it - and we had our 3rd last night. Conclusion: break it. And Jewish online dateing would never be complete with out the guilt right? So i feel very bad that he paid for 3 dates worth and ended up paying for a couple of my friends drinks too. This is why i'm not really into letting a guy pay for everything. I mean i would be pissed....
And to top it all off, the cherry on all of the over thinking and circular logic that goes on in my head, the serial monogomist in me is going crazy! How can i like one guy but go on dates with another? well i kissed him, can i kiss the other one? How do i keep them all straight?
yeah i don't know if im cut out for all of this.......
So The Bachelorette: When i started this whole online dateing thing i had just recently gotten hooked on watching The Bachelorette. I couldn't help but feel like Ali and i were going through the same thing. It was like watching my life being more glamoursley played out in once a week episodes. I mean aside from the fanstastic dates happening all over the world in places people arn't really supposed to go - like old temples or the middle of a pool or a mens' bath house (i guess when your on TV you can do anything) aside from all of that, really, i'm basically the Bachelorette. EXCEPT they are moving way faster than i am - i can't imagine what we see is all the time they spend together - its week 8 or 9 and she's already met the families. And talk about ultimate monogomists night mare shes been "brought home" by 3 different guys. That's intense. SO unfortuantly my kindred spirit is beyond me at this point - i can't look to the show for advice or comfort anymore, it all being out of my realm now. Oh well. It was nice to have Ali there while it lasted.
Ok so now the updates:
"J" needs to go as we concluded earlier
"Cupid" seemed very into seeing me a 3rd time but went off to Japan and haven't heard from him yet
"Swinger" and i went on a lovely date (drinks and live music) which resulted in a second date at his place (he cooked me dinner and we watched big fish and cuddled on the couch)
"DVUP" and i havne't managed to meet up yet
but "AJDr" and i did and that was unfortunate. Thus he is appropriately named Awkward Jewish Doctor.
Friday, July 16, 2010
Thursday, July 8, 2010
Ok back to the blog......
Where does post grad adventures take you? New countries, new states, new jobs....how bout online dating?
recently inspired by a fellow online dater and good friend NJG (Nice Jewish Girl) who shares dateing sites with me - here i am - about to embarc on a new adventure - online dating!
please join me.
Lets start with the basics:
2 websites, 1 girl, and a summer with one show and one session of camp = a lot of time on her hands
i currently have profiles listed on JDate and on OKCupid.
What i like about JDate:
They are all Jewish
A lot of "chat" is used
extensive profile
What i like about OKCupid more than JDate:
Short answer profile prompts - forces you to really spend some time on it and gives you an opportunity to really put some of "you" on there
FREE - i don't pay for Jdate so the only way i can contact someone is if they are online and we "chat"
Ok. The boys. I shall change the names to protect he innocent. Behind door number one we have "J" and behind door number two we have "Cupid".
"J" and i met on Jdate one evening - chatted a little - i could see by his checked boxes that he might like one/but possibly more of boardgames/backgamon/chess (another thing i think is a little lame about JDate) so i went with why i checked that box myself: "So what's your favorite boardgame?" Hoping this was the right direction to go - it was. That simple little question got me a date at Chatterbox - restarant/bar with cupboards of board games and old school Nintendo video games (the ones my brother never let me play). If you know this girl at all - perfect first date!
We went we had a lovely date, lovely meal, good fun playing games(S0rry and Taboo), he payed (good cuase i'm no-joke-broke right now (see above: working one session of camp))
Do you feel the "but" coming yet?
He just came on way too strong - i felt like i was being given an oral resume!
Over complimentary
And said, in not so many words but did use the phrase "putting all my cards out on the table", i like you and want to pursue a relationship with you.
Here is a tip - this is a lesson i think i have recently learned - we all like a little bit of chase and mystery.
He's a nice enough guy, i mean i think he really means everything he says - as strange on a first date as it might be - but just too much too soon. I told him to cool his jets and stop trying so hard (ok so it didn't come out as harsh as all that but i'll take "a little rude"). I was hopeing maybe second date would prove to be a little less intense and him a lot more at ease. He said he felt comfortable around me and i earged him to talk himself through why he thinks i am so perfect for him. He wasn't any less nervouse - he scraped the side of his car while trying to park and i believe the analogy he used for us dateing later was "i'm putting my hand in the jar but i don't own the cookies". OH MY. Everyone was embarassed.
Biggest problem for "J" is how over shadowed he is by "Cupid"
"Cupid" - the worldly - the exciting - the adventurous - the tall.
"Cupid" also happens to be a J but i met him on OKCupid. He messaged me first and gave me kudos for coming to the TCs to pursue my art, asked me how i found the awkward interpersonal skills of Minnesotans to be treating me, and expressed hope that we are not related because his fathers side is also middle eastern and Jewish. Through emails i learned of his work with green energy and his guest lecturing in NY, his enjoyment of unique restaurants and cooking for himself, his explorative nature and his number. SO i called. We went to a fancy little joint for cocktails known for their unique creation. A grand ol' time or as he put it in his text message the following morning "a metric ton of fun". As he hugged me from the step below - so as to be a good hugging height (profile says 6'2'') - we planned to see each other again between his trip to NY for the 4th and his buissness trip to Japan. I guess i'm that great i'm worth planing a second date for sometime within a 2 day layover. SCORE!
"Cupid"'s second date: dinner and then seeing A Midsummer Night's Dream in the park
"J"'s 3rd date is tentativly planned for later next week
In other news:
23/m swing dancer who makes up words gave me his number - we'll call him "Swinger" for fun.
24/m deep voiced urban planner called - we'll call him just that "DVUP"
Next up:
The Bachelorette and WTF are the rules to this game?
recently inspired by a fellow online dater and good friend NJG (Nice Jewish Girl) who shares dateing sites with me - here i am - about to embarc on a new adventure - online dating!
please join me.
Lets start with the basics:
2 websites, 1 girl, and a summer with one show and one session of camp = a lot of time on her hands
i currently have profiles listed on JDate and on OKCupid.
What i like about JDate:
They are all Jewish
A lot of "chat" is used
extensive profile
What i like about OKCupid more than JDate:
Short answer profile prompts - forces you to really spend some time on it and gives you an opportunity to really put some of "you" on there
FREE - i don't pay for Jdate so the only way i can contact someone is if they are online and we "chat"
Ok. The boys. I shall change the names to protect he innocent. Behind door number one we have "J" and behind door number two we have "Cupid".
"J" and i met on Jdate one evening - chatted a little - i could see by his checked boxes that he might like one/but possibly more of boardgames/backgamon/chess (another thing i think is a little lame about JDate) so i went with why i checked that box myself: "So what's your favorite boardgame?" Hoping this was the right direction to go - it was. That simple little question got me a date at Chatterbox - restarant/bar with cupboards of board games and old school Nintendo video games (the ones my brother never let me play). If you know this girl at all - perfect first date!
We went we had a lovely date, lovely meal, good fun playing games(S0rry and Taboo), he payed (good cuase i'm no-joke-broke right now (see above: working one session of camp))
Do you feel the "but" coming yet?
He just came on way too strong - i felt like i was being given an oral resume!
Over complimentary
And said, in not so many words but did use the phrase "putting all my cards out on the table", i like you and want to pursue a relationship with you.
Here is a tip - this is a lesson i think i have recently learned - we all like a little bit of chase and mystery.
He's a nice enough guy, i mean i think he really means everything he says - as strange on a first date as it might be - but just too much too soon. I told him to cool his jets and stop trying so hard (ok so it didn't come out as harsh as all that but i'll take "a little rude"). I was hopeing maybe second date would prove to be a little less intense and him a lot more at ease. He said he felt comfortable around me and i earged him to talk himself through why he thinks i am so perfect for him. He wasn't any less nervouse - he scraped the side of his car while trying to park and i believe the analogy he used for us dateing later was "i'm putting my hand in the jar but i don't own the cookies". OH MY. Everyone was embarassed.
Biggest problem for "J" is how over shadowed he is by "Cupid"
"Cupid" - the worldly - the exciting - the adventurous - the tall.
"Cupid" also happens to be a J but i met him on OKCupid. He messaged me first and gave me kudos for coming to the TCs to pursue my art, asked me how i found the awkward interpersonal skills of Minnesotans to be treating me, and expressed hope that we are not related because his fathers side is also middle eastern and Jewish. Through emails i learned of his work with green energy and his guest lecturing in NY, his enjoyment of unique restaurants and cooking for himself, his explorative nature and his number. SO i called. We went to a fancy little joint for cocktails known for their unique creation. A grand ol' time or as he put it in his text message the following morning "a metric ton of fun". As he hugged me from the step below - so as to be a good hugging height (profile says 6'2'') - we planned to see each other again between his trip to NY for the 4th and his buissness trip to Japan. I guess i'm that great i'm worth planing a second date for sometime within a 2 day layover. SCORE!
"Cupid"'s second date: dinner and then seeing A Midsummer Night's Dream in the park
"J"'s 3rd date is tentativly planned for later next week
In other news:
23/m swing dancer who makes up words gave me his number - we'll call him "Swinger" for fun.
24/m deep voiced urban planner called - we'll call him just that "DVUP"
Next up:
The Bachelorette and WTF are the rules to this game?
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