Sitting in a cafe in Chicago

Just sitting here - reflecting on my past week or so.
Ahhhh vacation - i will miss it terribly when i am back in the everyday grind of my life in MN.

I do like it in MN i enjoy where i'm living, i like the family that i'm living close to now and have been able to develop some quality relationships with, I am enjoying the people i have gotten to know in my time there, and i feel lucky to have had all the acting opportunities i have had since last February. Really the move has been a brilliant decision if i do say so myself and more than i ever could have expected has come from it.

I have been analyzing where i am lately though. In life, in acting, in teaching....
MN is my third place to call home. The second time i have just picked up and moved - to challenge myself - to attempt something new - to further the career i want for myself in some way. I just can't help wondering where do i go from here? People ask me if i think i might go back to NY someday others encourage me to move to LA - I say to them that each of these cities will have their time - their moment in my life. I don't think i am completely done with NY but i don't see it in the relatively near future. Same with LA really. So my question is still where do i go from here? Could i live in MN the rest of my life? i don't know about that - i mean definitely in the area i'm in right now - i get it. I get the appeal. I get why people come to the twin cities and just don't leave.
But i don't know about me.

other questions on my mind...
Teaching - is this really what i want to be doing right now - yes maybe in the long run or when all is said and done that's where i'll be - but damn teaching takes a lot of energy. I mean would i rather i was less involved no - at least i don't think that would be as fulfilling. But maybe i don't need fulfilling right now - i do want to focus on acting and my career - does teaching everyday allow for all the opportunities i could be taking part in? does teaching leave my energies and focus available for the rest of my life, which is supposed to be my priority right now? I don't really know/lean towards not, but maybe the grass is just greener on the other side.

i guess a new year coming leads to reflection and pause and taking in where you have been in the past year and suggests thinking about where you want to be going in the next year. Is this where seriouse resolutions come in? I've already come up with resolution number one - nothing too exciteing or original - i want to go back to yoga. Although maybe thats why i am in such a mood of reflection becuase it has all built up since the summer when i stopped going becuase life got busy. SO maybe yoga will help me get back in to a state of ease and a restful mind. Who knows really.

Being home was wonderful - getting to see my friends and family really involved in life - i think we are all still going through a period of "what is it i really want out of this world?" but either way we all seem to be out there making our way towards our goals or at least making our way towards figureing out what we want our goals to be. Seeing everyone and their homes and their lives for a split second really made me think just how grown up we've all become. Maybe this feeling is a little surprising becuase the majority of people i spent time with this trip were all freinds from way back when. Family freinds, 1st grade, middle school freinds. So maybe knowing all these poeple for so long has something to do with this feeling but none the less its impressive how quickly time flys and how fast we all grow up and join the real world. I mean in a matter of months we all seemed to have become adults. I'm impressed. I'm surprised by this feeling, but i am impressed.

Sitting in this cafe waiting for Elie to pop in and out of work - i am left to my own devices. So sitting and thinking is really all i got. And i've been so analytical and in my head over the past couple weeks - my brain is exauhsted. Maybe i just need to get back into the hussle and bussle of life - be distracted a little again. I think this is my problem - in my own head - i just go around in circles - around and around and around in circles. I never land anywhere. I think i just keep thinking about the same things but can never come to conclusion about it all. No wonder i am exauhsted. Also maybe i got to take a break from the caffeen - i can't imagine that helps when i have a lot of time bymyself on my hands. I just feel so restless. Maybe this is also becuase i spent a month of not really doing anything (i.e. no show to be rehearsing or performing) so i just feel restless cuase i am happy when i am a busy bee. So maybe its not the yoga i need (i need to go back to yoga but maybe not for my mental rest) or the distractions or even the change of life right now. Maybe i just need to go back to what my busy life was pre December. Hmmmmmm interesting thought. I thought maybe typing this out my help but i'm still not coming to any conclusions. I described it as having lots of strings - fraying the ends - and then walking away without tying any bows, let a lone big beautiful ones.

So as 2010 rapidly aproaches i leave my frayed ends of twisted rope for another day.
I'm going to go get something sweet from the front of this tea house i'm sitting in. And dream of getting rid of those calories as soon as i get to MN.
Bikram i am on way. 2010 i guess i have nothing to say to you but .....Bring it!